


The Light of Hidden Flowers

by Saucery



Series: The Genderfuck Collection [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Crossdressing, Drama, Episode Related, Ficlet, Freudian Elements, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Gender Roles, Genderqueer Character, Internal Monologue, Introspection, Mother Complex, No Dialogue, Other, Psychoanalysis, Self-Discovery, Sexual Identity, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saucery/pseuds/Saucery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Secrets are meant to be kept.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light of Hidden Flowers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thymetodance](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=thymetodance).



> Inspired by [this discussion](http://saucefactory.tumblr.com/post/27964495510/saucery-can-i-just-say-that-stiles-is-still-in-touch) over on Tumblr, about why Stiles is still in touch with the drag queens.

* * *

  


This is why he's always loved Lydia.

He's only starting to realize it, now.

He doesn't just want Lydia; he wants to _be_ Lydia.

She's the perfect girl.

And he wants to be the perfect girl.

He likes girls so much, he wants to be them. See?

The scratch of a lacy brassiere against his chest, against his nipples; the smoothness of his just-shaved legs before he inches those sinfully tight, sinfully see-through stockings over them; the way his throat _feels_ , bare and strangely vulnerable, as the ends of his now-long hair brush against it.

And maybe it's horrible, and maybe it's tacky, and maybe he's just a stupid boy in a wig, with make-up on his face, but for the first time in his life, when he looks at himself in the mirror, he likes what he sees.

He _loves_ it.

It's not even about the fact that it turns him on, that it gets him hard (although it _does_ ); it's not even about the fact that he imagines Derek looking at him and feels a _shiver_ run through him, a shiver deep enough to feel as though it's taking him apart.

It's not just about that.

It's about the _other_ need he has, the need to nurture, to protect, to look after, to love.

It's about how much he's just needed his mother _back_ , so much so that at times he's found himself _becoming_ her, just to have her in his life -

That he's found himself looking after his dad like she would, watching his diet like she would, watching how much he drinks -

Looking after Scott, too, and Derek, and the rest of the pack -

And it's -

It's who he _is_ , fundamentally, and maybe the reasons for it are valid and maybe they're not, and maybe this is too bizarre to ever be justifiable, but Stiles is who he is, and who he is -

May not be a 'he,' at all.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [this poem](http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/xvii-i-do-not-love-you/) by Pablo Neruda.


End file.
